(Source: theirgraves, via sciretacere)
through it all I still miss you
Several days later and I am still trying to comprehend the reality of it all. You were, maybe still are, one of the best people I know and it is because of this that I will never understand what happened that night. My whole life I have searched for someone who will love me unconditionally, someone who will be there for me when I fall, someone who will never let go. When you said I love you I believed you. I am not naive enough to think these things always last, but love is something that I will always fight for. I believe love is the essence of life and when you find it how could you ever turn your back? Things were not perfect. Maybe I had even lost myself a little bit in the process. Most importantly I was confused as to whether we could pull through the distance with everything working against us, but as I sat and thought about what you meant to me, it seemed our relationship only had room to grow. When you left me I felt a pain like never before. I spent each night lying in bed wishing to feel you beside just one last time, wishing to feel the warmth of your touch. I missed watching you bite your lip as you struggled to concentrate. I missed the time you took off your slipper to keep my own foot warm. I missed listening to our song and thinking of you. I missed hearing your deep laugh that was so contagious I couldn’t help but laugh myself, so I decided I would give love one last chance. If nothing else after watching my mother loose the love of her life all those years ago I owed it to myself to at least try. One night I finally built up the courage and I explained that yes I could not promise you 1 year, 3 months, or even 2 weeks, but I could promise you today. I told you that I was not sure about anything except that I was in pain and that I loved you, and that was enough for me to at least try. After talking you agreed that what we had was not worth throwing away. Even if we didn’t make it more than three days at least we would have no regrets. I spent the night with you finally understanding what it meant to be with someone you are completely and hopelessly in love with. I can honestly say I have never been more happy in my life. Every touch was a blessing and I thanked God for bringing me to you. The next evening you called only to say that you no longer loved me and that you did not want a relationship. You explained that you regreted the previous night and that you were sorry it happened. You used me in the worst way possible and it’s funny because it wasn’t the first time that someone had, but the pain was a thousand times worse. All I ever wanted was to make you happy, and in return you broke my heart in every way possible. The worst part is that I am not mad. I do not want revenge. In fact, I forgive you. Instead, I still love you and I miss you everyday. I cannot bring myself to let you go. Everytime my phone rings my heart jumps at the slight possibility that you could be calling. I spend everyday hoping that one day I’ll open my front door only to find you waiting on the other side. In reality I will most likely never see you again. I will never hear your voice again. I will never feel the touch of your arms around me again. If only I knew how to stop loving you. I guess the best I can ask for is time, time to forget, time to live my own life, time let fate step in and take me to where I am meant to go…
I hate that when I look you up on facebook your picture still shows up of you and me
I hate that I still have the rose you gave me on my desk
I hate that each room in my house holds a memory of us
I hate sleeping alone without you there to keep me warm
I hate walking on campus and running into all your friends
I hate the lingering smell of you on my pillow
I hate the journal filled with text about our journey
I hate that you work at the gym
I hate finding your stuff in unexpected places
I hate that I no longer have your number
I hate knowing that I can never see you
I hate missing you every second of every day
but most of all I hate that I still love you
thank you for showing me that I can love
"I will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your records, your books, our morning coffee, our noons, our nights, our bodies spilled together, sleeping, the tiny flowing currents, immediate and forever. Your leg, my leg, your arm, my arm, your smile and the warmth of you who made me laugh again."
Charles Bukowski (via thatkindofwoman)
(Source: nickblu, via thatkindofwoman)
"Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
Alice: I don’t much care where…
Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn’t matter which way you go."
Alice in Wonderland
"
Quiero que sepas
una cosa.
Tú sabes cómo es esto:
si miro
la luna de cristal, la rama roja
del lento otoño en mi ventana,
si toco
junto al fuego
la impalpable ceniza
o el arrugado cuerpo de la leña,
todo me lleva a ti,
como si todo lo que existe:
aromas, luz, metales,
fueran pequeños barcos que navegan
hacia las islas tuyas que me aguardan.
Ahora bien,
si poco a poco dejas de quererme
dejaré de quererte poco a poco.
Si de pronto
me olvidas
no me busques,
que ya te habré olvidado.
Si consideras largo y loco
el viento de banderas
que pasa por mi vida
y te decides
a dejarme a la orilla
del corazón en que tengo raíces,
piensa
que en esa día,
a esa hora
levantaré los brazos
y saldrán mis raíces
a buscar otra tierra.
Pero
si cada día,
cada hora,
sientes que a mí estás destinada
con dulzura implacable,
si cada día sube
una flor a tus labios a buscarme,
ay amor mío, ay mía,
en mí todo ese fuego se repite,
en mí nada se apaga ni se olvida,
mi amor se nutre de tu amor, amada,
y mientras vivas estará en tus brazos
sin salir de los míos.
Si Tu Me Olvidas- Pablo Neruda
I’ve spent the semester collecting ideas for crafts and over break I finally had the time to make some! merry christmas madre :)
